V.fade

it's beginning to fade, and i don't know why
is it because my head is finally convincing my heart?
is it because i can just lose interest that easily?
is it because of the situation?
is this what i want? do i want you? do i want this to end?
am i actually in this for real? or, am i just in this for fun?
am i supposed to let this go and move on?
or, am i supposed to find a way to respark us in my mind?
the question is, am i to be selfless or selfish?
"i don't know what i want" but i do know right from wrong.
to choose a path for my happiness? or,
to choose a path for a clear conscience? or, both?
when the time comes to finally make a decision,
i hope in the end i make the right choice for me
because i don't want to look back and regret
what could have been or what should have been.

crush

the words i expected to come from your mouth
are not the words i wanted to hear
you always seem to crush what little faith i have
unless we come to a compromise,
there won't be anything left to have faith in.

has it ever crossed your mind?
are we just friends? is there more?
why do i keep running from the truth?
all i ever think about is you.
all that we can be, where this thing can go?
cause i've tried and tried to walk away
is it really just another crush?
you tell me.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

you crush my hopes and expectations of you,
time and time again.

why do I associate myself with you?
I can't even answer that myself anymore.

V.tomorrow

the pain is still yet to come..

it's going to wear off soon

for jen kan,
the sun will come out tomorrow

bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow

there'll be sun!

just thinkin' about tomorrow

clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow

'til there's none!

--
i hate being left out =[
everyone is getting drunk =[
i'm at home by myself =[
i guess it'll just be a movie/drama night 
hopefully i won't get too bored too fast =[

thank you jen kan and sss for the rides :)

Q.?

why do you have a hold on me?

I can get so angry at you
on the phone.
online.
texting.

but when I see your face,
I forget why I was angry.

I hate you.

V.past

it's amazing how much we've changed. 


high school will always be a great and happy memory :)
our awesome lunchtimes - our EPIC feasts! bringing in food from home! best lunches ever! who can forget the antics of Miss Melinda Wong never mix this girl with food. 
Melinda Wong + food = not a pretty sight + not a very happy ness
in between class in the locker room - annie + jess + locker room = rape, ness + jess + locker room = rape 
during class - letters, notes, getting told off for talking too much, planning trips :$
outside of class - bubbletea, debating, karaoke, timezone :)
everything in high school was a joy :) 


one strawberry slut asked if i could change anything in high school, what would it be?
i answered nothing :) there's nothing i would change. 
i wouldn't trade those memories made with those girls for anything. we may have had our ups and downs, we may be pretty much different to the bone, each of us, but we're still the pc girls :) 
no matter if we're apart or together:) 
the seven of us :)


i miss you angel.i miss you jess.i miss you mel.i miss you twin.i miss you annie.i miss you jackie.i miss chi.che.cho.i miss charsiew.sarsiew.i miss ken&koh.i miss hunnybunchkins.
i miss us all together :(
i miss the way we were :(

sago said we were the wannabe new wfc last year :O 

i miss you sago!

twist

you seem to know your way around,
to twist and turn through the loopholes,
always able to make your presence known in my life,
i don't think i'll ever be rid of you,
not that i would want that to happen either :)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

don't twist my words into your own.
don't twist the story in your favour.
don't twist the way things are meant to be.

grow up.

Q.怒

you know what?

you can go fuck yourself.

go to fucking hell.

you're full of shit.
no.
you ARE a piece of shit.
you're never going to change.
lies.broken promises.bullshit.

go fucking die.


you got a Xu mad.
and you'll very soon regret it.

bottle

"If you wanna be with me, baby 
There's a price you pay 
I'm a genie in a bottle 
You gotta rub me the right way 
If you wanna be with me 
I can make your wish come true 
You gotta make a big impression 
I gotta like what you do "
  
gotta love Christina :)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

don't bottle things up.
don't keep everything to yourself.
don't be like me.


one day,
you will meet that person,
who will put a cap on your bottle,
and shake it around violently,
disrupting the natural order.


and your bottle will explode.


...that's not going to be a pretty sight.

V.grey

it's hard to figure out where you stand,
when all you see is grey,
no black, no white, no clear distinction,
there aren't any lines to stay within,
no boundaries for us to limit ourselves.

each one of our lives is a different picture apart of a huge colouring-in book. we're all free to colour it how ever we want, whether it is adding some glitter, some greys, some colours of the rainbow. we can make it easier by using paint, we can make it harder using pencils or crayons.
it's up to us.

we can colour as to how society teaches us. where you would colour the bark of the tree brown, the leaves green.
or, we can colour according to our imagination, our imaginary world, our own perfect happy world. where in your world, the bark of the trees are purple and the leaves bright pink.
to conform, or to be different?

the lines which are drawn to colour within, they're laid out and permanent, whether bold or feint, those boundaries are still there. however, it's our choice whether or not we want to colour inside the lines or outside, however you can always make a mistake and colour outside by accident.  with that mistake you can choose to:

• try erase those minor discrepancies, 
• colour the rest of space outside those lines,
• just leave it there, with no attempts to try and rectify, what's done is done.

we're brought up and nurtured to colour within the lines, to be neat and tidy, not to make a mess. if you do make a mess, learn to clean up after yourselves, because no one is going to clean it up for you. mummy and daddy won't be there to help you colour your picture and stay within the lines forever. 

what will your picture look like? are you going to stay in between the lines and stay within the designated area to colour? are you going to be imaginative and purposely take the risk to possibly ruin your picture or make it even better and fulfilling? 

ripple

what ever choice you make,

it's going to affect other people,

regardless if they are involved first hand or not,
regardless if it was intentional or not,

if you make the wrong choice, and in the end you realise that.

try and change it. we're only human. we aren't perfect.

what you do, is your choice, but just remember,

that choice can change that of someone else.

but then...what is the wrong choice? is it when you are being selfish and hurting others? is the wrong choice being selfless and not choosing your happiness over someone else's? everyone has their own definition i guess, based on their own situation. 

~~~~~xo~~~~~

events ripple onto each other.
what happened to me back then, 
makes me who I am now.


"if a man holds your handbag without your request,

always walks outside of a footpath to protect you from the road,

never forgets to pull your chair out for you at dinner,

Do Not be moved by his actions.

As this means that in his life,
he's had numerous previous women to teach him these things,

and the woman which made him remember these actions instinctively,

is always the woman who changed him, 
and not you."


You were my change.

You have caused the ripple effect.


because of you, I will never be the same,
and I hope I was the one who made you remember.