leap

courage, to handle the consequences
faith, that you will figure it out no matter the outcome
hope, that it happened for a reason
knowledge, that you are never alone
do you have what it takes to leap?

accomplish

in my life, i've always listened to my parents.
been obedient when it came to decisions,
sure they've let me do a couple of things by choice,
but really, i don't think i know any other way,
i think i don't know what i want,
because i've always known what i wanted because it was my parent's wants
so now i'm lost.
i haven't accomplished anything.
and it makes me sad. and i don't think anyone can make me better.

cause of death?

i think i will die from cancer.

i reckon that at the rate i'm going something is bound to come up.

guess better listen to angel and get a check up e v e r y  y e a r ! Y A Y =)

i hope that if i were to die it would be much older, 

so that if i have kids, they're all old enough to take care of themselves,

if i were to die young, i'd rather not have a relationship, i'd rather be alone.
but let's hope for the best shall we?:)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

i would like to die of old age
or something natural
but i think i might die of this cough, 
if it doesn't get fixed soon.. =/

break

if you're gonna tamper with his heart,
you better watch out.
because if you break it one more time,
i'll freaking break your face.
no joke.
don't test me.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

i'm going to crash and burn.

have to prioritise. 

a break from the drama.

a break from the stress.

one step at a time.

wonder

wonder where this road will take me.
wonder where you come into this.
wonder if the effort will pay off.
wondering how much longer

~~~~~

there are things that i will never stop wondering about.
but that's only because i never put action into making them happen,
or put the effort in to try.
and now i can only keep wondering,
because time has moved on, and i no longer have the chance to make it happen..

similar

everyone is different for a reason,
when you start mimicking someone else,
and becoming that someone else,
what's the point in being around anymore?
we only need one of you.
one is more than enough.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

you and him.
so much difference.
yet similarly,
you both disappoint me in the same way.
gtfo.
just like he did.

title

your title to the world, is it that important?

once you change that title, everything else changes with it.

and those changes won't necessarily be for the best

if you're happy with where you are and where you're heading,

i don't see a point in changing that status/title,

because in the end, is that change really for you?

or for you to justify to everyone else what you have.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

once we walk out that door,
i no longer hold that title,
i no longer have that status,
you no longer have to please me,
but will you keep doing so?

hearsay

hearsay is a rather annoying thing to deal with

everyone has their own interpretation 

and the information you get could be far from the truth

~~~~~xo~~~~~

when i hear things from other people,
whether truth or not,
i can shake it off,
not pay any attention to it,
pretend like it was nothing.
but when i hear you say so from your mouth,
it cuts right through my heart,
into the depths of my soul.

closure

is what is needed,
is what we have,
is still to come,
there are too many loose ends left untied
all you need is this to move on with your life

~~~~~xo~~~~~

move out of my memories,
move out of my mind.
remove your things,
remove your belongings,
so i can close the door of my heart on you,
and never open it back up again.

now

now is the time to know, now is the time to make a decision,

now is the time for you to discover what you want with him,

it's your choice at the end of the day

and what you choose will change things no matter what.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

it's a lot harder slacking when you have a billion things to do a day.

everything has to be done NOW.

now. now. now.

sigh,

now-me has so many problems that i cannot rely on future-me like i used to.

average. =(

baggage

hopefully for my sake you're able to deal with the amount that is about to come your way :)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

pack your bags and off you go!
come back soon 'cause i'll miss you =(

plans

when you plan too much,

and the result comes out to be contrary to what you had in mind,

you'll be disappointed.

and that sucks.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

i've always been told to plan ahead,
to always think about the consequences.
but you need to take risks and make those mistakes
to learn to know what it is that is exactly right for you.
and what it is that you want ;)

attention

it's inevitable. the split.

do you think you can handle it?

sharing that is

~~~~~xo~~~~~

mine?
It's with yu.
Yeh.
Give it back.

forever

best

friends
forever

time flies by quickly when you're having fun :)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

things that i will remember forever?
too many.

disappear

to love them and leave them,

because you can't make up your mind,

it's still unclear, if the fog doesn't disappear,

they will.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

just because you're over it doesn't mean it's over.
things don't disappear the moment you want it to.
everything takes time.
and no matter how strong you might think you are,
no matter how made-up your mind is,
there is still room for it to waver.
nothing disappears.
they simply fade away.

avoid

avoiding you, is it really going to help?

should i have to avoid you to make someone else happy?

avoiding the situation is just leaving more loose ends to deal with later

strings that will never be entirely cut off, 
strings that will always be there for me to trip over and fall once again

to avoid, does it make you miss something more? 
to avoid, is it because that is what you truly desire? ;)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

i don't want to have to avoid you.
but you're really leaving me no choice,
are you?

delete

it has become easier and easier to delete people from my everyday life.
if one has wronged me once,
it is unlikely that i will give one the chance to wrong me again.
if one have upset me a second time,
one is most likely deleted.
of course, there are exceptions.
but no, you are not an exception.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

to delete you from my life is easier said than done.
too much has happened for you to become insignificant,
all i can do now is try and treat you how it was before anything happened,
the past is the past, the way i'm living now seems to suffice for the moment,
but the future is still dreary.

worry

without realising we've slowly started to lose our edge,
as we shy away more and more,
we start to get scared of living life to its fullest
always having too many things to take into consideration
because we don't want to be judged or make a bad decision
we think about the consequences of our actions too far into detail
that we convince ourselves in the end to do nothing
we lose our spontaneity, we lose that freedom
worrying gets you no where.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

i like to think that you worry for me.
and say the things you do,
not because you mean them,
but because you're scared i'd get hurt.
i like to think that the worry i like to imagine coming from you,
is but simple.
just plain simple.
=)

distance

i should leave some distance in between us.
we were never really meant to be,
you always find a way to hurt me somehow.
and whether you do it on purpose, you don't notice it,
or just that you simply don't care,
i don't know.
let's give each other some space. some time.
pretty sure i can live without you.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

it will have to be kept if things aren't going to be sorted out,
if something were to come from this, would we have regretted not keeping it
and just playing ignorance is bliss?
they say "distance only makes the heart grow fonder"
who knows anymore . . .

phobia

• mee goreng.
• eggs.
• bacon.
• alcohol.

roadtrip has caused a lot of things >.<

~~~~~xo~~~~~

heights are not my favourite thing on this planet,
i don't especially like fast moving things either.
but the 2 together is beautiful..
Rollercoasters <3