V.Eighteen

Its my last few hours as an eighteen year old. Looking back I have had such a great year. I've met so many people and made so many new friends :) helen, josh, wfc etc. :)

it was this wednesday last year I turned eighteen! And it was pretty memorable! Pretty much the first time I met most of the WFC boys who have now become my very good friends :) we went to the tav! I remember bran getting wasted and yackking on james oval as we watched ASIA train for rugby! then we went to annie's for dinner :)

uni life was new, miss high school life still ! the girls are still around :) so things are pretty much the same. just with more people. more freedom ish. i think though, that things with parents have gotten worse =\
i've gotten heaps rebel :( who sneaks out on saturday nights :x

there have been a lot of ups and downs but it has been a good year :)

nineteen is coming up! my last teen year, i wonder what it will bring...

v.realise

lying in bed, thinking about it for an hour,

wondering why i get affected so easily now

i think what i need is closure.

i realise i have too many what ifs floating in my head,

and i get lost and lose myself in these thoughts

they probably will never become a reality

which makes me pretty sad,

the possibilities make me think so much

that i can't handle it anymore.

it hurts too much to think what if,

that because of the way i am,

things never will ever turn out right

and because i can't change myself

all that is left will be emptiness and loneliness

stupid

it's stupid to think how you affect me,

even though nothing happened, nothing came out of it,

when it concerns you, i just seem to care for no reason at all.

we barely even talk and are barely even friends,

we were but we're not now just mere acquaintances.

yet still, your name is heard constantly,

and what happens in your life, 

can change my mood instantly.

how stupidly does my brain work and think.

what affects me, shouldn't.

it has nothing whatsoever to do with me.

i want to change and adjust,

i want to let go of things easily

but, it never seems to happen.

maybe it is because nothing came out of it,

would that be the reason why it's still lodged in my brain?

i don't understand why i am like this,

it seems so easy for others to let go and move on,

sadly, that doesn't seem to work for me.

i try to leave but my brain just keeps these stupid thoughts,

never ceasing to forget, never seeming to be free