V.found

you were found.
you came back to me.
turned that frown upside down :)


--
cold cold cold. going to freeze.
totally going to snow in Perth!

V.lost

lost. gone. hidden.
can't be found.
still trying to look. still trying to find you.
hopefully i will win this game of hide and seek
come back to me :( i need you.
without you i am oh so sad :(

swift

you should always be on your toes,
ready to bounce back at any time,
your mind should be swift when in a pickle,
always think ahead - as uncle chia always says

i think sago should drive a green suzuki swift, cos he's cool like that :)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

all this is moving along too swiftly don't you think?
maybe there's another meaning behind this..
something i'm not getting.
damn, i hate being stupid.

V.plan

makes you wonder,
when to let go,
when to hold on
when to admit defeat,
when to fight till the death

the game plan, has it been thought out thoroughly?
each move deciphered, no surprises,
everything that happens is what is expected.


--

holidays are upon us.
the plan for this holidays has fallen nicely into place.
ASIA Camp => HK/SG => No Parents => Roadtrip

still to plan movie/tv marathons with everyone though, i guess they can come once i get back :)
much excitement and much to look forward too :)
new clothes, hopefully new shoes, new limits, higher tolerance

jessica ngo wants a night on the town this weekend,
jennifer kan went to seedy leedy last night and came home hyper,
july is going to be a no swearing month, whether to have punishments is still to be decided
josh is going to be a jacket this weekend and sober,

V.complain

FOR ONLY YOU:

if you are the minority, you should give in to the majority,
if you have been done a favour by someone,
you should at least think of that person and what's easier for them,
instead of being just stupid and unreasonable,
if you are targeted, there usually is a reason why,
even if you are different, still have consideration for others,
e.o.r.

polygamy aye? would people really be happier?
if you can't keep your attention on just one person, does that mean you condone this practice?
even if we've been brought up to find that prince charming or cinderella, will there always be "the one" for us?
i mean, it's highly unlikely for you not notice someone else while you're in a relationship. someone who will make you doubt your decision as to whether you've made the right choice? what if that someone else is the one? are you just wasting time with the person you're currently in a relationship with now?
if you're noticing someone else, does that mean you're getting bored? or, is it just a small random phase that will pass?
if polygamy wasn't frowned upon, would you really never be bored? would you really be happy since you would always have someone there waiting for you? or if you were to be polygamous lifestyle, would you get tired and want a monogamous relationship instead.
to share your attention, i don't think it is that hard but to share your attention equally is the challenge.
you'll definitely tend to be swayed to one person over the other until you get bored then of course, you 'll switch or find another.
=[ why am i thinking about this stuff =[  someone save me =[

on side note. russell brand is quite the comedian =]

what you realise from 'get to the greek' is that having just that one person there for you is all you need.
you don't need two or three, you don't need to have an open relationship.
because at the end of the day that's the only person you want to just lie in bed next to and snuggle with =]

last part to be written once the argument is over

benevolence

the way i treat you is out of benevolence,

don't question me and my motives,

just accept this kindness and be thankful

~~~~~xo~~~~~

being nice sometimes is so hard..
there are just some people who don't deserve to be understood.
wow. bitch.

ave

why do you have to be this way?

the things you do,

the choices you make,

the way it affects me

makes life so damn ave.

i blame you.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

catching up on missed posts is the most ave thing to do at 1am
gg

V.Words

start : doing
stop : thinking
love : you =]
hate : boredom
missing : that feeling
gaining : kilograms
trying : to find out what i want
failing : to do so
giving up : on it
leaving: you soon

static

a word that completely defines where i am at this present time.

not moving forward nor backward, just stationary and still.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

bzzzz
shock me
with ur static elect ;]

V.chemistry

chemistry.
is that what we have?
chemistry.
how do we know if we have it?
chemistry.
what you want but you can't have
chemistry.
someone define it for me
chemistry.

but the planets all aligned

when you looked into my eyes

and just like that

watch the chemicals react

the chemicals react

bliss

being in a state of mind where nothing can affect you,
being satisfied with where you are and who are you are,
not being affected by the choices that person makes,
being blissful is quite relaxing and therapeutic don't you think? :)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

to being in a state of bliss
means you have to be truly happy.
ah, i wish i could feel that once again..

V.black and white

last night was the white party!
music was soooo good! BUT i missed out on my song :( but it's ok helen :) it was worth the little chat we had :) overall, a pretty good night i must admit disregarding the few drunken girlies but at least they danced :) so many people were out!
roadtrip sounds quite interesting =x

WHITE

• ME - PURITY! i am not a slut. i am not a whore. these titles have been gladly given and taken by other people:)
• KA-SENG - haven't seen this boy in AGES :) was sooo good to see him at ktv and metros hehe :)
• JUN - hope you had a good birthday =D 
• JOHN - thanks for the rides home :)
• TIM - usual fun as always ;) yay for good music and yay for being hangover free!
• ANNIE - FIRST TIME OUT IN AGES <3 i've missed you!
• BEC - what can i say, fun as always =)
• JOSH - SORRY! XOXO we are soooooooooooo unimaginably awesome! alan kan has been infected =x ! so pure josh =$ didn't do anything stupid at all :) except maybe get angry at some girl =S but you shldn't judge bitches >=( whee can't imagine metros nights without you =$

BLACK

• SAGO - INFECTED BY THE MOST IMPURE OF THEM ALL good luck to gaining that purity back sago! NOT COOL >=(
• ALAN - popped his metros cherry and became a WHORE       (kudos to josh & i =] )
• JACKIE - drunk ass girl - couldn't even barely make it into metros + was in the toilet yakking her brains out for AGES
• HELEN - kicked out minutes entering metros  =.= bouncers are so mean =( telling her to fk off twice =( but it's a-okay we went walkies =) AND lost almost everything in her purse =.=" so fail! luckily she has her phone and ID =$
• JEN - as usual the drunkard, but apparently drinking 151 instead of tequila what a NOOB! but without a drunk Jen it wouldn't be a normal night out =)

now...to go out next weekend or not =S

TO GO:

• asia camp 
• roadtrip

getting sick fml :( clubbing in winter is so bad :( because it's so cold!
jackie xu is leaving perth soon :(
nj has left perth :(
who else is leaving soon :(

V.fade

it's beginning to fade, and i don't know why
is it because my head is finally convincing my heart?
is it because i can just lose interest that easily?
is it because of the situation?
is this what i want? do i want you? do i want this to end?
am i actually in this for real? or, am i just in this for fun?
am i supposed to let this go and move on?
or, am i supposed to find a way to respark us in my mind?
the question is, am i to be selfless or selfish?
"i don't know what i want" but i do know right from wrong.
to choose a path for my happiness? or,
to choose a path for a clear conscience? or, both?
when the time comes to finally make a decision,
i hope in the end i make the right choice for me
because i don't want to look back and regret
what could have been or what should have been.

crush

the words i expected to come from your mouth
are not the words i wanted to hear
you always seem to crush what little faith i have
unless we come to a compromise,
there won't be anything left to have faith in.

has it ever crossed your mind?
are we just friends? is there more?
why do i keep running from the truth?
all i ever think about is you.
all that we can be, where this thing can go?
cause i've tried and tried to walk away
is it really just another crush?
you tell me.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

you crush my hopes and expectations of you,
time and time again.

why do I associate myself with you?
I can't even answer that myself anymore.

V.tomorrow

the pain is still yet to come..

it's going to wear off soon

for jen kan,
the sun will come out tomorrow

bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow

there'll be sun!

just thinkin' about tomorrow

clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow

'til there's none!

--
i hate being left out =[
everyone is getting drunk =[
i'm at home by myself =[
i guess it'll just be a movie/drama night 
hopefully i won't get too bored too fast =[

thank you jen kan and sss for the rides :)

Q.?

why do you have a hold on me?

I can get so angry at you
on the phone.
online.
texting.

but when I see your face,
I forget why I was angry.

I hate you.

V.past

it's amazing how much we've changed. 


high school will always be a great and happy memory :)
our awesome lunchtimes - our EPIC feasts! bringing in food from home! best lunches ever! who can forget the antics of Miss Melinda Wong never mix this girl with food. 
Melinda Wong + food = not a pretty sight + not a very happy ness
in between class in the locker room - annie + jess + locker room = rape, ness + jess + locker room = rape 
during class - letters, notes, getting told off for talking too much, planning trips :$
outside of class - bubbletea, debating, karaoke, timezone :)
everything in high school was a joy :) 


one strawberry slut asked if i could change anything in high school, what would it be?
i answered nothing :) there's nothing i would change. 
i wouldn't trade those memories made with those girls for anything. we may have had our ups and downs, we may be pretty much different to the bone, each of us, but we're still the pc girls :) 
no matter if we're apart or together:) 
the seven of us :)


i miss you angel.i miss you jess.i miss you mel.i miss you twin.i miss you annie.i miss you jackie.i miss chi.che.cho.i miss charsiew.sarsiew.i miss ken&koh.i miss hunnybunchkins.
i miss us all together :(
i miss the way we were :(

sago said we were the wannabe new wfc last year :O 

i miss you sago!

twist

you seem to know your way around,
to twist and turn through the loopholes,
always able to make your presence known in my life,
i don't think i'll ever be rid of you,
not that i would want that to happen either :)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

don't twist my words into your own.
don't twist the story in your favour.
don't twist the way things are meant to be.

grow up.

Q.怒

you know what?

you can go fuck yourself.

go to fucking hell.

you're full of shit.
no.
you ARE a piece of shit.
you're never going to change.
lies.broken promises.bullshit.

go fucking die.


you got a Xu mad.
and you'll very soon regret it.

bottle

"If you wanna be with me, baby 
There's a price you pay 
I'm a genie in a bottle 
You gotta rub me the right way 
If you wanna be with me 
I can make your wish come true 
You gotta make a big impression 
I gotta like what you do "
  
gotta love Christina :)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

don't bottle things up.
don't keep everything to yourself.
don't be like me.


one day,
you will meet that person,
who will put a cap on your bottle,
and shake it around violently,
disrupting the natural order.


and your bottle will explode.


...that's not going to be a pretty sight.

V.grey

it's hard to figure out where you stand,
when all you see is grey,
no black, no white, no clear distinction,
there aren't any lines to stay within,
no boundaries for us to limit ourselves.

each one of our lives is a different picture apart of a huge colouring-in book. we're all free to colour it how ever we want, whether it is adding some glitter, some greys, some colours of the rainbow. we can make it easier by using paint, we can make it harder using pencils or crayons.
it's up to us.

we can colour as to how society teaches us. where you would colour the bark of the tree brown, the leaves green.
or, we can colour according to our imagination, our imaginary world, our own perfect happy world. where in your world, the bark of the trees are purple and the leaves bright pink.
to conform, or to be different?

the lines which are drawn to colour within, they're laid out and permanent, whether bold or feint, those boundaries are still there. however, it's our choice whether or not we want to colour inside the lines or outside, however you can always make a mistake and colour outside by accident.  with that mistake you can choose to:

• try erase those minor discrepancies, 
• colour the rest of space outside those lines,
• just leave it there, with no attempts to try and rectify, what's done is done.

we're brought up and nurtured to colour within the lines, to be neat and tidy, not to make a mess. if you do make a mess, learn to clean up after yourselves, because no one is going to clean it up for you. mummy and daddy won't be there to help you colour your picture and stay within the lines forever. 

what will your picture look like? are you going to stay in between the lines and stay within the designated area to colour? are you going to be imaginative and purposely take the risk to possibly ruin your picture or make it even better and fulfilling? 

ripple

what ever choice you make,

it's going to affect other people,

regardless if they are involved first hand or not,
regardless if it was intentional or not,

if you make the wrong choice, and in the end you realise that.

try and change it. we're only human. we aren't perfect.

what you do, is your choice, but just remember,

that choice can change that of someone else.

but then...what is the wrong choice? is it when you are being selfish and hurting others? is the wrong choice being selfless and not choosing your happiness over someone else's? everyone has their own definition i guess, based on their own situation. 

~~~~~xo~~~~~

events ripple onto each other.
what happened to me back then, 
makes me who I am now.


"if a man holds your handbag without your request,

always walks outside of a footpath to protect you from the road,

never forgets to pull your chair out for you at dinner,

Do Not be moved by his actions.

As this means that in his life,
he's had numerous previous women to teach him these things,

and the woman which made him remember these actions instinctively,

is always the woman who changed him, 
and not you."


You were my change.

You have caused the ripple effect.


because of you, I will never be the same,
and I hope I was the one who made you remember.

Q.曲

Don't know if i could ever be,

Without you cause boy you complete me.

And in time i know that we'll both see,

that we're all we need.

brings back nostalgic memories of you and I.

we used to be so messed up,

but we were perfect to each other.

it's these feelings and memories I will cherish forever.

you're a douche.

but you were my douche.

V.hurt

i know it's going to hurt for a while,
i'm scared i won't be able to handle this,
i won't even be able to numb the pain

this time, i've been cut me too deep.
this is what you get i guess,
maybe it's karma. no one will ever know.

V.toy

a new toy always captures our attention.

craved, because of the addiction.

addiction to the rush,

the thrill of trying something comparatively new to what you already have.

how long? how long until you get bored?

leave them behind in the dark, all alone. forget their existence.

what state are you going to leave them?

broken beyond repair or just as good as new but used?

how selfish can you be? will they have a second chance?

you seem to always know when to strike.

you ruin it for me. always perfect timing.

taking away that little bit of happiness i get once in a while.

but it's okay i guess, i'm not in the mood.

so you win for now.

silence

when that moment comes,

where effort doesn't need to be made,

where all there is between you,

is just unawkward silence,

you know that you've made a good friend:)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

silence is worth much more than gold.

when we understand the silence between us,

when words can be exchanged for glances,

when thoughts can be exchanged for gestures,

when the silence speaks for itself,

that is when you and i, become we.

shade

i like to hide.

will you be my fantasy,

and shade me from the cruel reality?

~~~~~xo~~~~~

in the game of hide and seek,

are you willing to leave the comfort

of being able to see with the light,

and enter the darkness to seek me?

nail polish makes me oh so happy :)

each week there is a different shade,

a different colour to brighten my week

even the dark ones can add that extra bit of colour:)

need

what i want is your attention,

what i need is for you to make the effort,

not because i force you,

not because i give you the heads up,

because you do it by yourself,

of your own free will.

what you want is my attention,

what you need is to make a choice,

no, you can't not make one,

no, no one will tell you what to do,

yes, you need to make it yourself,

and yes, you need to make it soon.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

wants and needs.

which is more important to me?

i want you.

but do i need you?

i need you.

but do i want you?

and that all comes down to,

do i go with the one which i want,

or the one which i need?

why must life make me choose?

Q.狗

"You know what I am?

I'm a dog chasing cars.

I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it."

- The Joker.

you're a dog,

people around you are the numerous objects which you could chase.

1. The Bone.

Stationary.

There when you want them to be,

and gone when you're sick of them.

2. The Bicycle.

Not so fast that you can't catch up.

Not so slow that they're unmoving.

And that's what's keeping your interest.

3. The Car.

Moving ahead at their own speed.

You can't catch up.

But you try regardless.

so why do you chase these things that are obviously out of your reach,

and ignore the one which is by your side?

what the hell are you going to do with a bicycle or a car when you catch up?

you're a dog.

you can't ride a bike.

you can't steer a car.

perhaps it's just for the adrenalin rush,

perhaps it's for the enjoyment,

perhaps it's for the feeling of accomplishment when you do catch up.

but seriously,

keep chasing,

and you might forget where you left your bone.

expect.

100th

you made a choice. so stick to it.

if you chose her over me, that's not my fault.

not because i didn't fight for you.

not because i gave up.

because you simply made that choice.

i'm not someone you can just fall back on.

i'll be there for you. but not in that way.

as a friend and only a friend.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

expectations are evil.

if you never expect anything to happen,

you will always be surprised,

and never disappointed.

true story.

V.honest

it's amazing how honest you can be with some people,

how you can just say whatever happened and not feel awkward,

guess you can really tell who you're comfortable with and who you're not,

and who you can trust and who you can't,

being judged and judging. it goes both ways.

the people you know that will judge you for fun, but know the real you.

those are the people you can be honest with.

those are the people that you can naturally talk with about anything.

if you don't judge them for the things they do, they think,

they most likely won't judge you for the way you are and the things you may do.

gotta love your friends :)

love them for who they are, as they love you for who you are

--

happy birthday gmalee:)

exams finished :)

i hope i passed them all =[

but if i don't, that's what you get for not balancing study and fun. :(

too much fun = no study at all = fail :(:(

now i have to plan my weekend thoroughly =\

friday and saturday.

transport. sleeping arrangements. alco. etc :( what a hassle!

mid semester break has begun:)

destination

game over. destination limbo.

flights to heaven and hell have been cancelled.

gg you. nothing extraordinary.

when one journey ends, another begins,

we're all explorers :)

hopefully on one of these journeys,

we'll cross paths and work together to find 'X'

X marks the spot,
i wonder if once we get to that spot,

there won't be anything but you and i,

so really i guess in the end,

you're the treasure,

that i've been seeking for all this time.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

my destination.

where i'm headed.

where i've been heading this whole time.

can i expect your lovely face to welcome me?

Q.KARMA

I LOVE YOU.

=)

V.step

one step at a time.

it takes a while to decipher the code.

breathe. relax. can't get it right first time?

reflect. look back. and try again :)

i'm sure sooner or later you'll hopefully succeed

to end the best of both worlds

is going to be a hard task

but in the end, it's the right the thing to do

but is it really right to stop things that make us smile?

i wanna, i wanna, i wanna touch you,

you wanna touch me too,

everyday, but all i have is time

our love's the perfect crime

--

Dear CITS1200,

I do not wish to see you next semester or next year.

I hope we are able to part this semester on good terms.

Regards,

Vanessa

Sex and the City 2. Iron Man 2.

Hopefully these can be crossed off the To Be Watched List soon :)

V.funny

it's funny how looks can be so deceiving,

people seem to always make preconceived notions,

and get stunned when they find out the truth.

innocent till proven guilty :)

She's indecisive

She can't decide

She keeps on looking

From left to right

You seem like the type

to love em and leave em

--

one more to go.

June 14th 2010. end of exams.

white party! yay! still to decide whether to game on or not fpb >=(

this week: green.

next week: white or maybe silver/pearl.

force

forcing urself to do smthin yu dnt want to,

forcing urself to believe in smthin yu dnt believe in,

forcing urself to have feelings for things which yu actually dnt..

perhaps that was all yu were to me.

perhaps those were all the so-called "emotions"

perhaps after all, it's nothing.

back to the beginning, once again..

no one can force you.

only you can force urself.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

push yourself, the sky is the limit,

to take a chance, to make a choice,

to find out what you want in life.

force yourself to find yourself.

oneitis

time consuming, driving you crazy, ____ > friends

the symptoms. the beginning. the end.

who will be the next victim?

oneitis and me? that'll only happen when pigs fly :)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

oneitis.

only right when you're the cause.. <3

V.seven things.

love or hate

• how you can never make a choice
• how you always need someone
• how impure you are
• how you're always there
• how easy it is to go back to how we were, no matter what happens
• how crazy it is how similar we are...same wavelength :)
• how severe the disease is

BET

let's do this ;]

Q.放

i could spend my whole life hating you.

but hey,

what benefits would i get out of that?

you make it easy for me to let you go.

mind

eenie meenie miney mo

can't make up my mind,

don't mean to waste your time.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

im indecisive,

yes.

but compared to you,

my mind is so simple.

at least i can make decisions.

V.something

they're set too high,

it can't be this way

it's not meant to be like this.

something's gotta give,

more like, someone's gotta give.

because it's tiring.

mix

if you start to bore me,

i'm going to have to mix it up sooner or later. =\

~~~~~xo~~~~~

drinks can be mixed

colours can be mixed

even people can be mixed

why are my feelings so mixed up atm?

do

are you game?

lets do it.

you and me ;)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

less thinking,

more doing.

...says me.

=)

V.home

uni has become my second home of late. why? exams :(

three down. one more to go.

i've come to learn the most efficient way of studying for myself

complete utter silence and being by myself.

in order to be productive, silence works wonders:)

semester two two thousand and ten.

study hard play hard ;)

gotta pick up the slack!

share

if sharing is caring,

that means, if i care i should share,

but i don't like this train of thought,

why you ask?

because that would mean

i would have to share you.

because if i cared enough,

for her happiness, i would/should share you.

so where does my happiness come in?

i dislike sharing.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

you' re a sped.

but you're my Mr. Sped,

i will not share.

eos =)

choose

who i choose, what i choose,

why i choose, how i choose,

has nothing to do with you.

or so i hope =\

do i choose to be in denial?

or am i just that naive?

i wonder .... ;)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

i chose to see you

i chose to look only only at you

i chose to let go

i chose to be with you.

now it's your turn.

what's your choice?

V.star!

star light, star bright

first star i see tonight,

i wish i may, i wish i might

have this wish, i wish tonight...

which is the right star to wish upon?

wouldn't you like to know :)

it's a star not too far away, but not that close either

it's bundled with a whole group actually,

all the stars have subtle differences,

to find the right one for me,

is up to how good a detective you are

sounds complicated? sounds like a challenge?

i'll give you a map to the area

to guide you on the right path

but no description will be given

as to which star to ask and wish upon

but first things first.

before you can depart for your journey

to find the star just for me,

you have to find the special type of flame

to melt that icey heart of mine

catch a falling star and put it in your pocket,

never let it fade away,

catch a falling star and put it in your pocket,

save it for a rainy day :)