o.fix

it's the end to another month. the year has gone by so quickly!
this month has had many highs and lows.
a high being roadtrip! that was fun :)
lows were the end of holidays and bad patterns for sleep and eating :(
i need to fix that somehow. go on like a sleeping and eating diet!
august = no swearing, proper sleeping patterns and eating patterns and study patterns! what a month ahead!

semester two has begun. uni has become much more empty over the semesters. probably because everyone is getting older, less contact hours and/or people would rather work and then lectopia.
speaking of lectopia, its brokes :( it hasn't uploaded any lectures :(

nunnery ftw :)

forever

best

friends
forever

time flies by quickly when you're having fun :)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

things that i will remember forever?
too many.

o.love the fall

so what if i dive off the edge of my life
and there's nothing beneath?
what if i live like there's nothing to lose
just to die on my knees?

you say you needed a little time from my mistakes

it's funny how you used that time to have me replaced

waited for so long to say to you

come back to me

it was so perfect in my dreams

don't you know that i will always love you forever

but baby, when those church bells ring

you know i wanted us to be together

disappear

to love them and leave them,

because you can't make up your mind,

it's still unclear, if the fog doesn't disappear,

they will.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

just because you're over it doesn't mean it's over.
things don't disappear the moment you want it to.
everything takes time.
and no matter how strong you might think you are,
no matter how made-up your mind is,
there is still room for it to waver.
nothing disappears.
they simply fade away.

avoid

avoiding you, is it really going to help?

should i have to avoid you to make someone else happy?

avoiding the situation is just leaving more loose ends to deal with later

strings that will never be entirely cut off, 
strings that will always be there for me to trip over and fall once again

to avoid, does it make you miss something more? 
to avoid, is it because that is what you truly desire? ;)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

i don't want to have to avoid you.
but you're really leaving me no choice,
are you?

delete

it has become easier and easier to delete people from my everyday life.
if one has wronged me once,
it is unlikely that i will give one the chance to wrong me again.
if one have upset me a second time,
one is most likely deleted.
of course, there are exceptions.
but no, you are not an exception.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

to delete you from my life is easier said than done.
too much has happened for you to become insignificant,
all i can do now is try and treat you how it was before anything happened,
the past is the past, the way i'm living now seems to suffice for the moment,
but the future is still dreary.

o.isolate

when things get messy, when things get hard,
when things get scary, that is when it begins,
the isolation from everything and everyone
insomnia, sadness, confusion, worry,
you forget that there are people right in front of you,
you forget they are your friends
they love you and hate seeing you in pain,
they want to help you, they want to take care of you,
you tend to think that by isolating yourself
you save everyone else the trouble,
instead, you cause more problems,
friends don't walk away, they only try harder
they won't stop until they crack open
what you are keeping locked and hidden inside
no one likes to see their friends in pain,
no one likes to see their friends suffer,
alone time is good for one's self,
but don't fade away. don't lose yourself.
you need your friends, like they need you

worry

without realising we've slowly started to lose our edge,
as we shy away more and more,
we start to get scared of living life to its fullest
always having too many things to take into consideration
because we don't want to be judged or make a bad decision
we think about the consequences of our actions too far into detail
that we convince ourselves in the end to do nothing
we lose our spontaneity, we lose that freedom
worrying gets you no where.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

i like to think that you worry for me.
and say the things you do,
not because you mean them,
but because you're scared i'd get hurt.
i like to think that the worry i like to imagine coming from you,
is but simple.
just plain simple.
=)

o.chocolate:)

one of the best chocolates ever :)

distance

i should leave some distance in between us.
we were never really meant to be,
you always find a way to hurt me somehow.
and whether you do it on purpose, you don't notice it,
or just that you simply don't care,
i don't know.
let's give each other some space. some time.
pretty sure i can live without you.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

it will have to be kept if things aren't going to be sorted out,
if something were to come from this, would we have regretted not keeping it
and just playing ignorance is bliss?
they say "distance only makes the heart grow fonder"
who knows anymore . . .

lost

lost as to what to do

lost as to what you want

lost as to what is the right thing

lost as to whether to take a chance

lost as to whether to bother

lost as to what i want

lost as to what is going to happen now

being lost sucks.

o.arrive

so the day has finally arrived. i have no idea what to do.
i don't know what's going to happen
i don't know what choices will be made

i want you to make up your mind on what you want and how much you want it.
don't lie to yourself and others. because others can see and read you like a book.
if you want something go for it. you may end up with what you want.
what you want to believe and make yourself think is different from what you really do know and feel.

remember to consider people and their feelings, they're human, they aren't stupid, they're not some trophy you win to put on the shelf. to clear things up. i guess that IS what is needed but how i'm still unsure.

i could hurt you. i know i can. and i don't want to. i don't want to hurt you or to make you sad.
that is what i'm scared of :( i think that is probably the thing holding me back most.

am i supposed to just be bold and ask? or, am i supposed to just leave it and let you think what you do?
some people don't think it'd work. some people do. so what am i supposed to do?
*sigh :(

DECISIONS

"It sucks when you make bad decisions, but it's better than not making one at all"
- NJ

agreed. although it's scary to make a decision if you don'y know what you want :$ but maybe by making these bad decisions you'll find the answer to that question.

O.and we are back

:) we've finally returned from Yunderup! it was such a pretty house! but we brokes the wall :(
died two nights
sober one night
yacked one night

monday 
cause of death: 1 on 1 with George Tran
* yacked
* hurt my foot
* recovered
* midnight munchies - bacon egg mee goreng
tuesday
cause of death: N/A
* sober :)
* became a bunny
* leong and george died :)
* leong is a funny drunk and a great singer - yay for karaoke
* jackie died big time =\
* josh kaboomed
* oceans 11&kickass
* slept at 6am
wednesday
cause of death: shots
* died then recovered :)
* wall got smashed
* wardrobe door broken
* whole day watching heavy rain

to be continued ....

o.sense

when will it all make sense.

i really don't know what i want

too many thoughts that run through my mind

too many factors to consider

when will it quieten

what i have in mind, what i want, what i believe i need, what i think i deserve, what i think i don't, what i live for, who i live for

phobia

• mee goreng.
• eggs.
• bacon.
• alcohol.

roadtrip has caused a lot of things >.<

~~~~~xo~~~~~

heights are not my favourite thing on this planet,
i don't especially like fast moving things either.
but the 2 together is beautiful..
Rollercoasters <3

heavy

passing out too often isn't very good,
because if you're heaps heavy (like me :$)
it's going to be really hard for people
to move you to a more comfy place
apologies. :)
heavy rain is an epic game !

~~~~~xo~~~~~

heavily drugged up.
habits need to change before uni starts.
ahh gg me.

recover

it's hard to recover what has been lost,

even though you may want it that badly,

it'll only return (if it does) in pieces.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

i think i might be recovering from my crisis.
it's actually nothing after all.
provided it doesn't happen again.

begin

what is to come...

what's left unspoken will never be heard,

what has been said will only ever be overlooked

~~~~~xo~~~~~

and thus my misfortunes begin.
why can't time be erased?
sigh..

o.confuse

you confuse me
i don't get what is going on,
what do you want
what do i want
what is going to happen
is there anything there
i don't even know myself
if there is, tell me.
believe it or not,
i might think so too

over

the show is over. the curtains have been drawn. there won't be an encore. that you can be assured.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

it keeps replaying over and over in my head.
stop it.
before i go insane.

Q.家

i'm home!!
=)

rainbow

your true colours are beautiful like a rainbow :)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

apparently Chinese people don't often see rainbows.
everyone stood still and started taking pictures of it.
i was very confused.
but then again,
they do that in Perth too.
but that's because anything in Perth is interesting =/

suspect

a double edged sword.
it hurts to have this feeling within you,
you never know what to do,
do you follow through and just confront?
or, do you just let it go?

~~~~~xo~~~~~

who stole my heart?
i denote you as the primary suspect.
now give it back.

O.not meant to be

sadly, some things are just not meant to be,
when things break, it's because we weren't delicate enough,
we didn't pay enough attention, we didn't look after what we had,
but life goes on, just take better care next time i guess

CUTE

you know what is cute?
wfc boys are cute
who go bowling together =$
and convince each other to go =$
and gang up on each other =$
" if you don't go, the rest of us aren't going "
HOW CUTE!

JOSH IS SUPER CUTE :$

~~~~~xo~~~~~

the way which you express your care for me is super cute.
i love it
=)

V.Brokes:(

THIRTEENTH =X
my baby brokes :(
waiting for the second key
come back to life :(
i need you :(:(
fail.unlucky-ness
haircut tmr :)
switching to mech :/ gna die ><
getting better :)
breaking out :(
love sleep:)
hate stupid world cup final that ruined my sleeping pattern :(
roadtrip next week:)
currently at uni for the past two hours waiting :(
Sent from my BlackBerry® from Optus

secret

it'll be our dirty little secret ;)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

"shh! don't tell anyone!"

V.jen kan

definition of Jennifer Kan

1. drunkard

2. cadbury

3. person on the floor at Metro City Dancefloor

4. funny drunk 

so it was the return of some PC girls back to metro city and a night without the WFC boys. 

Instead we hung out with the MIR and curtiners. pretty fun :):) a night full of surprises. 

jen kan drunk as, helen on the way to jen's state - half way there i would say - 151s,redbullvodka,jager.

as predicted jen kan doesn't remember a single thing.  

and two of my songs came on :):)

-inmyhead

-breakyourheart 

=$

priority

don't make someone your priority
if you are just an option :)
get your priorities straight,
don't screw up the thing
which could possibly be
the best thing that ever happened to you

~~~~~xo~~~~~

priorities need serious changing this semester
=S
fml.

understand

some things we won't understand,
why people do.say.want certain things,
it's all a mystery. oh well, that's life i guess

~~~~~xo~~~~~

you don't tell me,
i won't ask.
that's how i would like to show my understanding towards you.
=)

home

you know when you're at home,
once you're at ease, you feel free and warm hearted,
you can be yourself,  and whoever you want to be,
you can do what you want, without a care in the world
where is home though? :)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

where you are,
is where i belong.
thus home.
=)

V.starsign

lol
new star sign?

The New Zodiac

ARIES = APRIL 19 - MAY 13
TAURUS = MAY 14 - JUNE 19
GEMINI = JUNE 20 - JULY 20
CANCER = JULY 21 - AUG 9
LEO = AUGUST 10 - SEPTEMBER 15
VIRGO = SEPTEMBER 16 - OCTOBER 30
LIBRA = OCTOBER 31 - NOVEMBER 22
SCORPIO = NOVEMBER 23 - NOVEMBER 29
OPHIUCHUS = NOVEMBER 30 - DECEMBER 17
SAGITTARIUS = DECEMBER 18 - JANUARY 18
CAPRICORN = JANUARY 19 - FEBRUARY 15
AQUARIUS = FEBRUARY 16 - MARCH 11
PISCES = MARCH 12 - APRIL 18

http://rah.posterous.com/new-zodiac-sign-2012

V.uh-ohs =x

hope you guys don't mind, but the green eyed gorgon has returned =x

back to the cold tomorrow!

i feel like i haven't shopped enough.
hopefully papa and mama comes back soon so they bring us to orchard :):)
whee - home sweet home
still need to eat chicken rice and take a picture for tim as i can't smuggle it back for him =x
orange! we went to JB yesterday :$ we had durian :$ but no mangosteen :(:(

thank you josh in advance for picking us up :) appreciated muchly! <3

V.wedding dress

love this movie.
<3

the little girl is so cute and such a good actress!

you should all watch it :)

fake

being fake, hiding behind a mask,
not showing your true colours,
to hurt others, or, to protect yourself,
or, are you protecting others from being hurt
who knows who knows

~~~~~xo~~~~~

i need fake hair =(
all my clothes are for my long hair.
gg.

V.singapore

so it's been about six months since i've returned.
it's nice to be back :) the weather is just right not too cold not too hot not too humid either!
due back in the cold very

thinking

*what to do next                                                                          

thinking all the time is a double edged sword

*what's next to buy

when you ponder too long

*did i pass maths :(

you tend to miss out

*who will come along next

you lose the chance

*will everything change

to do something that could

*i've made quite a great bunch of friends :)

possibly make your life happier

*i want new nail polish

stop thinking, stop wanting to know

*this cough should have gone already

take a chance, take that leap

*i love aldo

and do something, 

*why i can't sleep properly :(

make a change by making a decision

~~~~~xo~~~~~

thinking is bad.

just do it.

;]

jump

i'm not going to jump,

if you aren't going to be there to catch me,

i'm not going to take the risk,

unless i know for sure.

it's not that i just want to know,

it's that i need to

~~~~~xo~~~~~

"jump for joy!"
gg my foot.
no more jumping for jackie =(

V.last

when you finish last, it's not a very nice feeling, but sometimes, you end up being thankful.

thankful that you never had to endure the hardships that would have soon come along,

thankful that you were given the chance to open your eyes and clear your vision,

thankful that your friends were there to help you, your true friends show thin times of doubt, in times of need, your friends show their true colours 

--

last night in HK

i guess i bought what was necessary =\

a few new dresses, skirts, pair of heels <3
tomorrow singapore and a day in malaysia.

V.meaning

I found out today that my name has another meaning according to Wikipedia

and that is

"star"

origin: Irish/Dutch

so,

a star and a butterfly.

:)

i wonder if i've left my cocoon and grown to become a butterfly yet...

a butterfly and a star tattoo :O i wonder hehe 

"u're like a star out of reach,

u're like a butterfly, only pretty when u're free"

- nj

did you know anwyl loves stars? just like some slut loves strawberries 

and some partyboy loves the number 21 and some pureboy loves the colour green and dumplings  

and some orange loves MR2s :)
pretty cool don't you think?

people and their random obsessions :)

--

shopping today, semi-successful 

few more days left. 

perfection

in other's eyes, you may be nothing,

but in mine, you are everything,

you may not be perfect in their eyes,

but in mine, you are.

you may not be what i had expected,

not what i had in mind, my ideal prince charming, 

but in the end, i guess you can't help the spark,

the chemistry between us is undeniable.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

you're my bestfriend.
and that is forever.
i will not accept no as an answer.
because to me,
you are perfection.
=)

spark

you will know once you find it.

that spark between only you and him.

that chemistry and ease of being with each other.

that za za zu which is unexplainable and indescribable

that je ne sais quoi where only he is able to make you enter a la la land of your own.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

"hey!"
you spark me time and time again.
i think i might need time away from you.

V.dream

just a dream.
wake up.
don't hit the snooze.
that's all it ever was
nothing more, nothing less,
let this fade, let it pass.
keep it in that imaginary world
where everything was perfect.

--
still dying from this cough :( i hope it goes away by the time i get back to perth.
bought a new pair of heels! =$ gotta love aldo <3
yet to find some dresses =\ we shall see what tomorrow brings...
pretty little liars such a good show :) none of the book stores seem to have to the novels :(

chase

don't hate the player, hate the game.

if you can't handle it, i'd give up now,

if you can't deal with the problems that come along,

rethink your strategy, rethink your choice

if you want to keep running and playing this game,

hopefully you have enough stamina to keep up the pace,

don't slow down and get caught up in the mess,

keep running hard at a steady pace, 

don't fall behind and get overtaken

keep your place. if you've worked hard for it,

don't give it up so easily, this is yours for the taking,

that's the thrill of the chase.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

chasing after things is fun
but at the same time annoying
if you don't get what you expected at the end of it.
you.
just.
can't.
win.
...damn. =/

V.seven

it's first of july.

1. just arrived back from ASIA camp, totally overrated.
2. just about to fly off to HK, shopping please don't disappoint!
3. just about to begin my no swearing for a month.
4. just about to figure out and reassess what's going on, suck it up and deal with it
5. just going to have to lose weight
6. just going to have to go "shopping" with ernst =x and go shopping with alan :):)
7. just going to end up alone with helen with our house in mandurah and our bagillion cats

:) july july wonder what you'll bring

chain

chain reaction. cycle. never ending.
who was the bitch
who was the jerk
who was the nice girl
who was the nice boy

~~~~~xo~~~~~

i broke my ankle chain =(
it was pretty and jingly...
and impossible to find in Perth D:

behind

being left behind isn't a nice feeling,
leaving someone behind you tend not to realise,
what you lose from taking people for granted,
what you gain from taking that step to let go,
a breather. a pause. is all it takes.
reassess. re-plan. revise.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

things don't always go to plan?
oh well.
maybe it's meant to be like that.
you just gotta leave it behind you,
and move on.

full

you are full of shit
i am full of shit
me + you = full of shit

~~~~~xo~~~~~

life is full of surprises.
i would like you to show them to me please
0=)

possession

what you have may be something i want,

but who you have it with is not,

what's in your possession,

:you can keep to yourself,

:is not what i envy,

:you need to cherish more,

:don't take for granted,

:be happy :)

:make a choice,

:don't get paranoid,

:don't expect anything, take it as it comes

~~~~~xo~~~~~

"oh! mine now =D"
need to stop that hey =/

gone

how come i never hear you say,

i just wanna be with you,

i guess you never felt that way,

but since you've been gone,

i can breathe for the first time.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

the past is gone
the present is about to go
so look forward to the future
and pray that it won't be full of shit.
=)

return

what's done is done,
there is no point of return,
it can never go back to what it was,
it can never go back to where it began,
it can never go back, why?
because there's a scar, 
reminding me each day, 
to never go back and return 
to that point of my life again.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

soon we return to the tedious days of lectures and tutorials and skipping them and regretting it.
ha.