avoid

avoiding you, is it really going to help?

should i have to avoid you to make someone else happy?

avoiding the situation is just leaving more loose ends to deal with later

strings that will never be entirely cut off, 
strings that will always be there for me to trip over and fall once again

to avoid, does it make you miss something more? 
to avoid, is it because that is what you truly desire? ;)

~~~~~xo~~~~~

i don't want to have to avoid you.
but you're really leaving me no choice,
are you?

delete

it has become easier and easier to delete people from my everyday life.
if one has wronged me once,
it is unlikely that i will give one the chance to wrong me again.
if one have upset me a second time,
one is most likely deleted.
of course, there are exceptions.
but no, you are not an exception.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

to delete you from my life is easier said than done.
too much has happened for you to become insignificant,
all i can do now is try and treat you how it was before anything happened,
the past is the past, the way i'm living now seems to suffice for the moment,
but the future is still dreary.

o.isolate

when things get messy, when things get hard,
when things get scary, that is when it begins,
the isolation from everything and everyone
insomnia, sadness, confusion, worry,
you forget that there are people right in front of you,
you forget they are your friends
they love you and hate seeing you in pain,
they want to help you, they want to take care of you,
you tend to think that by isolating yourself
you save everyone else the trouble,
instead, you cause more problems,
friends don't walk away, they only try harder
they won't stop until they crack open
what you are keeping locked and hidden inside
no one likes to see their friends in pain,
no one likes to see their friends suffer,
alone time is good for one's self,
but don't fade away. don't lose yourself.
you need your friends, like they need you

worry

without realising we've slowly started to lose our edge,
as we shy away more and more,
we start to get scared of living life to its fullest
always having too many things to take into consideration
because we don't want to be judged or make a bad decision
we think about the consequences of our actions too far into detail
that we convince ourselves in the end to do nothing
we lose our spontaneity, we lose that freedom
worrying gets you no where.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

i like to think that you worry for me.
and say the things you do,
not because you mean them,
but because you're scared i'd get hurt.
i like to think that the worry i like to imagine coming from you,
is but simple.
just plain simple.
=)

o.chocolate:)

one of the best chocolates ever :)

distance

i should leave some distance in between us.
we were never really meant to be,
you always find a way to hurt me somehow.
and whether you do it on purpose, you don't notice it,
or just that you simply don't care,
i don't know.
let's give each other some space. some time.
pretty sure i can live without you.

~~~~~xo~~~~~

it will have to be kept if things aren't going to be sorted out,
if something were to come from this, would we have regretted not keeping it
and just playing ignorance is bliss?
they say "distance only makes the heart grow fonder"
who knows anymore . . .

lost

lost as to what to do

lost as to what you want

lost as to what is the right thing

lost as to whether to take a chance

lost as to whether to bother

lost as to what i want

lost as to what is going to happen now

being lost sucks.

o.arrive

so the day has finally arrived. i have no idea what to do.
i don't know what's going to happen
i don't know what choices will be made

i want you to make up your mind on what you want and how much you want it.
don't lie to yourself and others. because others can see and read you like a book.
if you want something go for it. you may end up with what you want.
what you want to believe and make yourself think is different from what you really do know and feel.

remember to consider people and their feelings, they're human, they aren't stupid, they're not some trophy you win to put on the shelf. to clear things up. i guess that IS what is needed but how i'm still unsure.

i could hurt you. i know i can. and i don't want to. i don't want to hurt you or to make you sad.
that is what i'm scared of :( i think that is probably the thing holding me back most.

am i supposed to just be bold and ask? or, am i supposed to just leave it and let you think what you do?
some people don't think it'd work. some people do. so what am i supposed to do?
*sigh :(

DECISIONS

"It sucks when you make bad decisions, but it's better than not making one at all"
- NJ

agreed. although it's scary to make a decision if you don'y know what you want :$ but maybe by making these bad decisions you'll find the answer to that question.

O.and we are back

:) we've finally returned from Yunderup! it was such a pretty house! but we brokes the wall :(
died two nights
sober one night
yacked one night

monday 
cause of death: 1 on 1 with George Tran
* yacked
* hurt my foot
* recovered
* midnight munchies - bacon egg mee goreng
tuesday
cause of death: N/A
* sober :)
* became a bunny
* leong and george died :)
* leong is a funny drunk and a great singer - yay for karaoke
* jackie died big time =\
* josh kaboomed
* oceans 11&kickass
* slept at 6am
wednesday
cause of death: shots
* died then recovered :)
* wall got smashed
* wardrobe door broken
* whole day watching heavy rain

to be continued ....